May
by Ameria
Summary: Xelloss says: Never invade L-sama's personal space. This may happen to you...
1. Chapter I

May

A Torture Xelloss Fanfic brought to you by Amanda Smith

I

The day was bright and sunny and the season was a beautiful green spring.  Xelloss walked among the remains of the burnt out shell of the city he had just destroyed, looking for a sign of the mage he was supposed to have killed.  Unfortunately the mage had been hiding, and when the villagers failed to produce her, he had been forced to kill them.  Now it appeared that the mage hadn't been in the city after all, but Xelloss still had to check.  He kicked a child's body, burnt so it was unrecognizable, out of the way, and something caught his eye.  There was a box at the bottom of this crater, partially blown away.  He would have ignored it if not for the strange energy he felt.  He picked up the box and pulled an envelope out of its heart.  The envelope read: "Do not open!!!"  'Three exclamation points.  That is impressive,' he thought as he opened it.  And suddenly, he was standing in nothing.

Taking the hint that perhaps the gem wasn't a harmless item, Xelloss dropped it.  It sunk into the nothingness.  A thought suddenly seemed to form in his mind, an impression of a disturbance.  Well, _he_ certainly felt disturbed.  He glanced around, knowing very well that looking for an exit out of nothing was as useless as having an intelligent conversation with nasty, temperamental Golden Dragons.  Suddenly two more impressions seemed to randomly form in his mind.  One was 'punishment,' number two echoed his own thoughts; 'Ryuzoku' almost immediately combined with 'Filia.'  

This was bad.  


	2. Chapter II

II

            Xelloss, for the first time in his life, was experiencing the true depths of "life sucks."  He wasn't worrying about what exactly had happened at the moment, because he was really worried about something else.  He stared, petrified (also a new, hateful experience) at a peacefully sleeping Filia.  His nose was an inch from hers.  What kind of cruelty was this?  One minute he was going about his business and the next he was thrown into bed with a violent Ryuzoku.  He figured there were two options for escape.  One, he could blink out.  Unfortunately, his body seemed to be a disgusting mass of flesh and blood now.  He tensed the muscles in his legs.  He could feel the muscles moving!  It was gross!  In any case, this meant that he had a physical body instead of an astral one, and he couldn't just blink into the Astral Plane.

            A choice swear word entered his mind.

            Option number two involved jumping up and hightailing it to the door.  Or out a window.  Unfortunately, he figured, Filia's wrath could probably envelope the entire world.  He could never escape.

            There had to be an option number three.  There just had to be—

            Her eyes opened.

            Xelloss really tensed now.  She blinked once, probably to clear her eyes and verify what her brain told her she saw, and then screamed, and pushed him off the bed.  He crashed to the floor, which created another new, horrible experience—bruises.

            "Ow…"

            "WHATAREYOUDOINGINMYROOMNAMAGOMI?!!!!!!"

            "I don't know."

            "YES YOU DO!!!"

            "No I don't."

            "Yes you do!"

            "Look, I am telling you, I do /not/ know!"

            "YOU ALWAYS KNOW!"

            "Well, thanks for the compliment, but that isn't true in this case." 

Filia growled, watching Xelloss like a viper ready to strike.  Xelloss worked on maneuvering himself into a standing position, noting with distress the green jammies with little yellow stars he was wearing.  The standing position didn't work, and he just ended up falling into the corner of Filia's dresser, hurting himself more.  He grimaced and decided to sit against the wall.

            "Something is really wrong, isn't it?" Filia asked, holding her sheets protectively about her, though some natural slight concern was present in her voice.  Xelloss glared up at her in response.  "What happened, Xelloss?" she asked, studying him.  She could feel no amount of negative energy that would signify the presence of a Mazoku.

            "I think it made me into a Ryuzoku!" Xelloss said; tearing up from the exhaustive amount of emotion this new body gave him.  Filia gasped.  "And stuck me with the one person I hate the most in the entire world!"  Filia whacked him over the head, knocking him out.

            "Oops."


	3. Chapter III

I didn't have a disclaimer or author's notes on the first two chapters because I forgot to write them in.  So they are here!  

A/Ns: This is just a fun fanfic, so I am bending the rules a bit.  

-First of all, this ridiculous situation would leave many of the extreme purists shaking their heads in dismay.  That's okay, but I'd like to see them relax and nod for once.  Those muscles have got to be under-used.  

-Val will show up, and will be about ten years old.  Now, I now some people will say: "But Amanda, the Dragon egg will take fifty years to hatch."  Well…I don't like the fifty years thing.  ^_^;  Anyway, fifty years before hatching would be awfully dangerous for the long term survival of a species.  If anybody wants to talk to me about it (which is always fun,) I'm **trying** to get that infernal fanfiction.net instant messenger to work.

-Lastly, some of you will be saying: "Forget this, when is 'Xelloss vs' coming out?  It's one last measly chapter!"  It'll probably be written after finals.  I work hard on those, and it's stressful.  This fic is relaxing to write because for once I'm not trying so hard to bend none of the rules.  

Disclaimer: Slayers is not mine.  I don't want them.  They're even scarier than I am.

III

            Filia stared at the form of the Evil Usurper of Peace in the Lives of Decent People, out cold on the floor of her room.  Her instincts were telling her that she should help the poor, battered man in the green jammies, but her sensible side told her that the window by her bed looked like it offered an awfully nice ride for a Mazoku—er, ex-Mazoku.  Was he really a Ryuzoku now?  …Well, Ryuzoku or not, he could not see her in her nightgown.  It was completely improper.  

            First she tried grabbing his wrist and dragging him across the floor, but this happened to wake Xelloss.  He opened his eyes groggily and voiced his confusion at what Filia was doing to him.

            "Aaaaagh!  Don't look at me!" Filia shrieked, first trying to cover herself, and then hide behind a bedpost.  Xelloss stared at her, an image of bewilderment.  "Out!" Filia said, pointing to the door, "Get out!"

            "Filia-san—"

            "OUT!"

            "One minor problem…"

            "OU—what?"

            "I can't stand."

            "You can't stand?"  Filia said, abruptly ending Incensed Dragon Maiden Mode.

            "Don't you ever understand anything the _first_ time, or are the skulls Ryuzoku too thick?"

            "Xeeellllloooossssuuuuu…"

            Xelloss remained quiet, thinking that the previous comment may have been a mistake.  Filia stood tense, frozen in wait for his next move.  "Perhaps I am wrong.  I can use my teeth to get along to the door just fine.  Don't you think so?"  That did it.  Filia grabbed Xelloss into her arms—"Fi-Filia-san?"—and threw him out the window.


End file.
